Pet Roast Club / By Pawformance
Turn your dog or cat’s daily mischief into a personalized performance review. Affectionate roasts, illustrated certificates, and digital gifts worth sharing.
For dogs & cats · Digital keepsakes · Packages from $9
Small roasts. Big affection.
Personalized around your pet’s quirks
Playful, never cruel or offensive
No photo advertising without permission
01 / The performance department
AI-generated humor inspired by the details you share—not a generic review with a name swapped in.
EMPLOYEE: BISCUIT · DOG · HEAD OF SNACK SECURITY
“Biscuit demonstrates exceptional initiative in locating unattended sandwiches. We recommend redirecting this talent toward literally anything else.”
Illustrative copy only. Not a customer order.
Provide a pet photo, their name, three personality traits, and their favorite mischievous behavior.
A humorous one-page PDF puts their strengths, questionable habits, and next career move in writing.
Upgrade with an illustrated portrait and certificate, or add social-ready graphics and a personalized digital award.
All products are digital. No physical item is shipped.
Fictional sample / Cat
“Successfully cleared every item from the desk. No one requested this.”
Fictional sample / Dog
“Responds to every visitor with the urgency of a national emergency.”
02 / Choose their promotion
One-time digital packages. No subscription.
The performance review, an illustrated portrait, and a certificate.
Everything in Executive, plus social-media-ready graphics and a personalized digital award.
Your pet’s next career move
A gift for the person who already has 2,000 photos of their pet. Yes, that includes you.